In my time with the Lord early yesterday morning, I was reading in Judges.
Judges 6, actually. The story of Gideon.
“The angel of the Lord appeared unto him, and said unto him, the Lord is with thee, thou mighty man of valor.” Judges 6:12
Gideon was told that the Lord was with him!
Not only does Gideon question the Lord about why bad things are happening to him, but then he questions if it is really the Lord speaking to him.
“And he said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, then show me a sign that thou talkest with me.” Judges 6:17
So the Lord does show Gideon a sign!
He made fire come up out of a rock.
But Gideon questions the Lord again, and asks the Lord to put dew on the fleece that is on the floor, but not on the floor.
Gideon woke up early the next day, and it was so.
Then Gideon questions the Lord AGAIN, and asks the Lord to put dew on the ground and not on the fleece.
And God did so that night.
Why I am sharing this?
Because it has a lot to do with my heart.
When you walk through an adoption process, all of the man-made rules mess with your heart and make it hard to really know that God is here.
I BELIEVE that God is with me.
But, especially lately, I “feel” like He is not.
These words are not easy for me to reveal.
Because I do not want to be like Gideon.
I want to spend each and every moment of my days here on this earth never doubting God and truly believing the truths that are in His word.
I am so thankful for the story of Gideon.
It gave me the opportunity to come before the Lord, spill out my heart, ask for forgiveness, and be encouraged.
Knowing maybe I can’t “feel” that God is here, but He is.
He is with me.
With us.
With Tate.
So, you know what happened next?
God showed me He is here.
Through the Christ-like generosity of someone we barely know, He showed me He is here.
My precious Savior, I am undeserving.
And even though I cannot see how the Lord is going to finish the story of Tate’s homecoming, I will wait on Him with a childlike faith.
Truly, truly believing that the Lord is here with me, with us, with Tate, every step of the way.
We will be there soon, our sweet little boy!
We will be there soon to bring you home.
